calle azucena

as my great grandma geib would say,"well, i made it!"
she was inching towards 100 years old, so anywhere she arrived to was considered making it!
this is me, as real as it gets:
hours of travel, lost luggage, found luggage, hours of delays on the runway, new lost luggage...
it made it, grandma!
and, yes, this is the actually view from my window and balcony...namaste, mi casa en Otura.

on the go-go

namaste, you m*tha f*ckas!

apologies for the delay, apologies, apologies...
but, i was on the go-go.

a have so much to share, so much to b*tch about, so much weight to lose,
so much more to eat in this damn country!

i will do an on the go-go-location-whereabouts-nutshell,
because, yes, my honoring of the namaste m*tha f*cka divine in all does have to have
a classy setting, intriguing company, and my ears and eyes (and high level of gastronomic intentions) on the prize, people.

so, me, on the go-go, started out in madrid...

"...when we last met our hero..."


MADRID
*hung out a lot in, around, and down and over the Puerta Del Sol
*began reading the book SHUTTER ISLAND
*ended up redeeming myself at every meal with more than 2 or 3 glasses of wine with the woman of the household...I even got a gorgeous scarf from the "Three Kings"...hmmm, must have done something right!
*Prado Museo, Thyssen Museo, but no favorite, the Reina Sofia. closed. every single f*ckin day.
*snow...lots of it...
(*lesson here learned: patience, endurance, curiosity)

BILBAO
*4 1-2 hour bus ride (comfy, spacious) through amazing sites only to land not far from the Guggenheim. damn. simply rockin´!
*did my own arrival tour of the outside of the Gugg and across the ria...smiled a lot!
*met up with the woman of the household that i am staying with in granada, and her other tour guide, whom i will now refer to as Lone Ranger. awesome to see a friendly, well informed, spanish-english speaking face! she allowed me to accompany her, Lone Ranger, and the 24 college students from Minnesota, along a snippet of the Camino de Santiago tour she has been leading since January 1st. she´s great!
*had delicious tapas...succulent, and knees weakening...this is the night i began my battle with loose bowels.
(*lesson here learned: remind me to discuss how i proclaimed myself as italian. then as italian american. better yet, i will remind you.)

BURGOS into FROMISTA
*ummm, hmmm...i recall a cathedral...
*i recall a pleasant hotel...
*i think...no, wait, that was Leon...
*what the hell did we do ...oh! i got to know Lone Ranger...if you call that getting to "know" someone. he´s Lone Ranger for a reason, people...many reasons.
(*lesson here learned: namaste, Lone Ranger. we won´t ever meet again. but, it was interesting and fun, sometimes. other times it was a dental exam. obviously, i will elaborate more on my lessons learned from meeting him. again, namaste, and no, for those of you thinking it, this was nothing sexual. no way. no how. no never ever.)

LEON
*thought this city was trash upon first eyeing it up.
*ended up cuddling up to Leon...lovely Leon...
*too much wine, too much beer, not enough salty gambas.
*awesome free breakfast in the hotel.
*felt like shopping, but haven´t worked out in over 2 weeks. just browsed, and loved it.
*took a solid sh*t!
(*lesson here learned: gotta let the city breathe, gotta let it open up how it wants to open up to you. and, damn, food is sooooo good. even better topping it all off with cafe con leche and a glass and a half of wine.)

GRANADA
*8 maybe 9 hours in the car on the ride from Leon to Otura
*i know know the CURIOUS GEORGE movie and BOB THE BUILDER and FIREMAN SAM so well that i can sing you the theme songs backwards, and tell you which Hollywood actor has done the voice overs for each character.
*raining hard all the way home.
*obtained a small rash.
(*lesson here learned: damn, i am a bit tired...)

i am at home base right now, and will be for awhile.
i do care to elaborate more, and i will, on my lessons learned and other facts about my snippet of a trip to the north of españa!

but for tonight, namaste, and sleep tight!

out of the loop

gonna get a calling card tonight.

gonna call my love.

gonna swing back into the loop.

the North American loop.

no wonder i was attracted to the Richard Estes paintings today at the Thyssen...

namaste, my friends.

lost in my own translations

i am somewhat a loner. it´s a positive attribute that i take pride in, yes.
i am reflective upon what solitude can unearth...usually i am respected by this trait.
and i am so taken by how some people cannot stand to be alone.
it´s a challenge.
it´s weighted.
it´s jarring at times.
to sit with yourself...
in a crowd of spainards,
amidst the celebration of Three Kings Day,
up the staircase of the Prado Museo,
in the Parque del Buen Retiro,
at the internet cafe semi-cube,
at the dinner table across from the mother and father of the basque country that offer me cerveza with my pate´and i say, no, no, gracias, pero, do you have water? and i even used the "tu´" with her, since i am more of an informal girl myself, but with the absence of "usted" oh sh*t oh god oh god now i´ve done it...just drink the water, take the water, silence the water, and compliment how cold it is and how great it tastes, the water, my! que bueno! and the water, i asked for the water because i think i have caught a cold, in my Andalusia region, south, but i can´t explain this at the dinner table, i can´t explain this in front of Eek, i can´t explain this in perfect spanish anyhow, yet i see her woman-up, down her pill with a sip of red wine next to the glass of cerveza, the same cerveza that was offered to me, and i think damn it, i missed my opportunity to impress them with drinking with them at the their table and damn it, now they must think all americans are like me.
if i am the representation of an american in their country, i apologize TO ALL, i have failed.
i compensate by eating way to much jamon, way to much another type of jamon, more pate, more cold water, ensalada, y pan y pan y mas pan y mas agua fria.

maybe, i´ll have a beer for breakfast. in front of her so she can see me drink it.


as you can tell, i am feeling out of sorts today. a bit lonely. a bit needy of a friend, that it scares me how long i gave directions to the two women from london who were looking for a supermarket. those were my friends today...hungry women from london, and the clerk from this internet cafe who i ask to put more money on my computer.
yes, today, i am in all aspects, in solitude. sola.
and my reflection upon this isn´t one of a cheery nature.
i am not exuberant in my solitude, and i´m not "glad" that i am able to once again teach myself that i can be alone.
i think i know that now. right, solitary, now.

so, where to go from here?
this new, or resurfaced fear...hmmm...
if i have already taught myself that i am capable of being a "one"
then, how to be a "one" in a "two?"
hmmm...a challenge as mad as me, as i, as "one."

namaste, all you lonely hearts tonight.

ensalada mixta of fear

yes, a mixed salad of fear.
nibbles of this assortment, paired with a juicy reason why:

#1 fear of children
there is a child in this house. he is a boy. for his privacy, even though he´s 4, i will refer to him by "Eek." it´s actually pretty similar to his given name. and sounds like what my involuntary reaction is when someone mentions kids or mice: "Eeeeek!!"
yes, there have been fits he´s thrown. doesn´t want it to be day outside. wants the "sun to not be out." wants the moon, instead. doesn´t want to get dressed. doesn´t want to get undressed. kicks, spits, wails, cries, tantrums...ay, que dramatico.
then, while we played Mr. Potato Head, i hear "the voice." i hear the demon voice of the child in THE SHINING...and it´s coming out of the mouth of Eek. i begin to pray. and Eek keeps speaking. not "redrum," pero, things he wishes his Mr. Potato Head would help his Thomas the Train guys with on a daily basis. he says things like "lift up the crane" and "his arm fell off in the slop" and "i need more metallic force." in the demon voice. all demon voice.
i will pray tonight, but if i see twins, i am f*cking out of this mansion.

#2 fear of being lost
i am directionally challenged. i don´t know streets or boulevards, i know landmarks and the neon sign with the chicken place on the opposite corner. i suck at directions. and, my neon chicken savvy has come in handy. on occasion.
so, my fear has taken new shape! i have taken long runs in the neighborhood of Otura, alone, without a map, without a compass, without keys, and without identification. yes, yes, that last part is stupid, but i didn´t realize i was even doing that until now. (sorry mom/dad/christian)
it´s been pure instinct and careful reading of the signs (which are not helping my fear, since many many calles are NOT marked). i know that Calle de Lope Vega is one block over, and that takes you into the new subdivision, where it seems as though the entrance to the golf course is located. i know Calle Azucena, my temporary street, is located close to the recycling and trash bin. and if I take it to the dead end, and turn left, then follow that down until the stop sign (which no one stops at) and take a right, i arrive at the new supermercado and the fresh turf of the enormous soccer field!
i also closed my eyes on the bus ride from downtown Granada to the Villa de Otura. at night. for about 30 minutes. half of the ride. and i didn´t even ask where the bus took me.
pure instinct and careful reading. until i get lost and freak out.

#3 fear of gypsies
plain and simple. they latch on so quick, calling after you, calling "guapa!" "bonita chica!" with a spring of something green clutched tight, an offering, for you to take, for them to read your palm, for you to pay them more money than you have on you, for them to dig their nails into your wrist, for you to shout in front of a sacred church that contains the remains of kings and queens, for them to demand your money for the (unwanted) palm reading, for you to continue to repeat, "Nononononono, señora, nononono no, gracias. No!"
plain and simple. not all gypsies. just those.

#4 fear of speaking spanish
this fear i will 100% be mentioning again. and again.
BUT! today, i made cold calls to spanish speaking people!
on my own!
and spoke to them!
as a professional!

Hola, es ¿Carolatta alli´?
Me nombre es Gina Cornejo de Venture Forth Iberia.
Si´, claro, quiero hablar con usted acerca de una visita proxima.
¿Se puede hablar en Ingles?

my intention of this trip (back in may 2009) was to come and work for a best friend of my mom,
who owns a travel company with her husband. they are such wonderful people (buena gente!) and to gain a bit of experience in their world of traveling and leading tours in spain and france and morocco...either hiking the Camino de Santiago, or biking in the south of france.
so, tonight, making my calls, and helping find una guia for the tour in burgos, that will lead 25 american students around the catedral and other relevant monuments, i had to do a little interviewing. to see how well they could speak in english. so, a little spanish, a little english.
i´m trying, people. i really am.
and, i must say, Luis, Mercedes, Noelia, Camila, Nikolas, Gloria, and Blanca, among others, weren´t that poor as candidates for the tour.
i hear speaking to the dead at a cemetery helps overcome the fear of speaking another language.
because you don´t have to be shy, and they won´t correct you, and they just like the company...however that the diction and inflection.
but the living...they can be harsh, but helpful.
i´m trying.

namaste, m*tha f*ckas.

MISSION, m*tha f*ckas

i am meticulous. in the Latin sense. adj. meticulosus (fearful), from metus (fear).
even my A.Word.A.Day. from Wordsmith.org explains my dilemma.
"Originally the term meant one who was fearful and eventually it acquired a positive sense."

now, this does not contain me fully...i do not live a strictly meticulous lifestyle and i do not lock and unlock my deadbolt 5 and 3/4 when i exit my dwelling.
and, i apologize to those of you who do.

but, i do, in plain fact, have an unruly respect of fear.

i fear death. of myself, my dog, my family.
i fear Judgement Day. i thank GHOSTBUSTERS for that.
i fear auditions.
i fear skiing.
i fear being really blunt.
i fear being really drunk.
i fear insects that crawl into my ears and lay eggs.
i fear the bottom of swimming pools - sharks could bite my feet, clean off. and they come out of those grates down there, too.
i fear lakes - dark ones, with fishes.
i fear being blind. the loss of a limb. the decay of my hearing.
i fear ghosts.*
i fear aliens.*
i fear green aliens.*
i fear someone dressed as the killer from the movie, SCREAM.
sometimes I fear empty public bathrooms - that´s due to the movie COPYCAT.
i fear children.
i fear children.
i fear children.
i fear a filthy alley, Chicago-style-anything. fill in the blank.
but not hotdog. i love Chicago-style hotdogs.
i fear heights.
i fear children.

*i point the finger at my dad for these three. Unsolved Mysteries used to be a weekly staple at 4415 North 67th Street. always on before bedtime. damn, that host was scary.

my closest friends share the common knowledge of how and when i will die.
freak accident, possibly painful, possibly quite quick, i always envision a car wreak,
and at the age of 30. currently, tengo 27 años. not much time, people.

(my envisioned untimely death also falls in the spring of 2012, which holds the debate of the Mayan calendar and this global "wiping-all-slates-clean" of existence that has since spawned the History Channel series "Life After People," or some shit, which means if i make it to my 30th birthday, i was pardoned my death as the rest of humanity is slain, only to perish 3 months after the new year toast! and that should have had you grinding your molars at midnight last f*ckin´ night people! because that bell just trilled 12 times closer to the end. of. the. earth. and while we are on the subject, 2012, the movie starring John Cusack, is under debate and discussion if you care to comment. for that matter, f*ckin´ John Cusack is always under debate (even though i slack in my overall knowledge of his films, but he´s always fun to poke at.))

so, with this 01.01.2010 marking the brand new year,
i have arrived at MY MISSION. an obvious one.
TO ACQUIRE MY POSITIVE SENSE OF FEAR!
meticulously, of course.

therefore every entry i post, will continue to connect to my brilliant,
namaste, m*tha f*cka
sense of honoring the light and divine in everyone and everything.
keeping with the knowledge that mostly everyone and everything is a m*tha f*cka
(especially the bulk of 2009),
but also tending to my fear of choice that day, that may sprout, here, in the fauna of Europe.
it will be my duty, to my own divine, to rip that bitch out of the garden before it roots too deep!

namaste, you fearless m*tha f*ckas!

*now, you will never get to call me a pussy. even though i used to be a bit of pussy...but not ever again!

fleiz ano nuevo

feliz ano nuevo! 2010!

i have begun my travels in Europe!

still a bit jet lagged...but i have at least tasted jamon serrano with sweetened
yolk strands and (for the tradition in spain) gobbled down 10 of the 12 or 14 grapes that were on my new years plate!

and to kick up the peruvian tradition...i wore BRAND NEW YELLOW underwear (thanks, Mom! and Holly!) and a striking YELLOW sweater. yellow is to promote good luck in Peru when you don it upon ringing in the new year. and for my american tradition...CHAMPAGNE!!

namaste, 2010.
please, don´t kick my ass as much as 2009. my heart murrmur can´t take it.

**MORE TO COME ON MY MISSION OF THIS BLOG
AND (more importantly) MY LIFE**

. . .hold onto your butts. . .