MISSION, m*tha f*ckas

i am meticulous. in the Latin sense. adj. meticulosus (fearful), from metus (fear).
even my A.Word.A.Day. from Wordsmith.org explains my dilemma.
"Originally the term meant one who was fearful and eventually it acquired a positive sense."

now, this does not contain me fully...i do not live a strictly meticulous lifestyle and i do not lock and unlock my deadbolt 5 and 3/4 when i exit my dwelling.
and, i apologize to those of you who do.

but, i do, in plain fact, have an unruly respect of fear.

i fear death. of myself, my dog, my family.
i fear Judgement Day. i thank GHOSTBUSTERS for that.
i fear auditions.
i fear skiing.
i fear being really blunt.
i fear being really drunk.
i fear insects that crawl into my ears and lay eggs.
i fear the bottom of swimming pools - sharks could bite my feet, clean off. and they come out of those grates down there, too.
i fear lakes - dark ones, with fishes.
i fear being blind. the loss of a limb. the decay of my hearing.
i fear ghosts.*
i fear aliens.*
i fear green aliens.*
i fear someone dressed as the killer from the movie, SCREAM.
sometimes I fear empty public bathrooms - that´s due to the movie COPYCAT.
i fear children.
i fear children.
i fear children.
i fear a filthy alley, Chicago-style-anything. fill in the blank.
but not hotdog. i love Chicago-style hotdogs.
i fear heights.
i fear children.

*i point the finger at my dad for these three. Unsolved Mysteries used to be a weekly staple at 4415 North 67th Street. always on before bedtime. damn, that host was scary.

my closest friends share the common knowledge of how and when i will die.
freak accident, possibly painful, possibly quite quick, i always envision a car wreak,
and at the age of 30. currently, tengo 27 años. not much time, people.

(my envisioned untimely death also falls in the spring of 2012, which holds the debate of the Mayan calendar and this global "wiping-all-slates-clean" of existence that has since spawned the History Channel series "Life After People," or some shit, which means if i make it to my 30th birthday, i was pardoned my death as the rest of humanity is slain, only to perish 3 months after the new year toast! and that should have had you grinding your molars at midnight last f*ckin´ night people! because that bell just trilled 12 times closer to the end. of. the. earth. and while we are on the subject, 2012, the movie starring John Cusack, is under debate and discussion if you care to comment. for that matter, f*ckin´ John Cusack is always under debate (even though i slack in my overall knowledge of his films, but he´s always fun to poke at.))

so, with this 01.01.2010 marking the brand new year,
i have arrived at MY MISSION. an obvious one.
TO ACQUIRE MY POSITIVE SENSE OF FEAR!
meticulously, of course.

therefore every entry i post, will continue to connect to my brilliant,
namaste, m*tha f*cka
sense of honoring the light and divine in everyone and everything.
keeping with the knowledge that mostly everyone and everything is a m*tha f*cka
(especially the bulk of 2009),
but also tending to my fear of choice that day, that may sprout, here, in the fauna of Europe.
it will be my duty, to my own divine, to rip that bitch out of the garden before it roots too deep!

namaste, you fearless m*tha f*ckas!

*now, you will never get to call me a pussy. even though i used to be a bit of pussy...but not ever again!